Why I'm So Proud of Gabby Douglas and All of Team USA Female Teens

No, this is not another blog post about Gabby's hair. That is not an "issue" I choose to speak on. However, I would like to speak about how proud I am of her, and all the other female teen athletes who participated in the Olympics and brought home medals for the USA.

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Today, all we as a people hear is the negative aspects of teenage life. We hear about how careless, selfish, self-absorbed and lazy our country's teenagers are. We rarely hear about the great things these teens are doing in their lives to help not only themselves, but others as well. This could be because mainstream culture and the media only show us the negative. The poor excuses we have for role models on reality tv, that show that women getting ahead by making fools of themselves and using other's for their own material gain have led us to believe that teen girls will end up with the same fate. This however, is not true as we have seen throughout these Olympic games. Our teens have hope and now they have some beautiful and talented young athletes to look up to. I'm proud of our Olympic teen athletes for not falling prey to the nonsense that has consumed popular culture and our televisions. I'm happy that these young women found role models in other incredible women and athletes, that they have broken records and set new ones, that they have become the inspiration for young gymnasts, swimmers, runners, etc. 

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Thank you female teens of Team USA.

One Attractive Ass Couple

I have a few favorite celebrity couples. Couples that I know I can look at and just squeal in awe because I just love looking at them. Carmelo and Lala. Swizz Beatz and Alicia Keys. Barack and Michelle.  Sometimes even Jay and Bey. Looking at pictures of those couples as I went through Tumblr, I thought “What the hell makes them so damn appealing?” So I went to the streets of media land and asked the general question: What makes a couple appealing? Here is a list of the qualities I was told:

- quietly affectionate

- constantly attentive

- interesting to be around

- respect for one another

- unique quality or quirk

- subtle touching or point of contact (no gross all over each other PDA)

- well dressed/complementary style

- laughing together

- can be in a group without being attached at the hip

I gotta be honest, I was expecting way more superficial answers. The most superficial I got was “a well dressed and dapper couple” and let’s be honest, we can all appreciate that one. But the underlying thread I saw in all these answers was genuine emotion (be it like or love) and confidence. Yes, confidence. Let me explain.

All of these responses say something about how confident the couple is in their relationship. These are characteristics of healthy secure relationships. When you can walk down the street without making out with each other constantly and you can be around friends without being attached at the hip, but still look like you’re totally and completely in love and committed to that relationship, you’ve reached a level of confidence and security that can’t be broken over stupidity.  The couples I listed earlier go through a slew of rumors about break ups and affairs and secrets all the time. They’re high profile couples, and they may not be with one another all the time. So hearing those rumors may have them anxious at times, but when they link back up they're still in love, happy and secure. That’s the key to an attractive, appealing couple. 

Now what I find attractive and appealing about a couple is usually exuded through the female. No not her physical attractiveness. But her ability to support her man while still having a life, mind and career of her own that may or may not involve him.  I like it even more when a couple can collaborate on a project and make something that would have been big, even bigger. The ride or die chick is the key to the attractive couple to me. Lala has her acting career and a son to raise but we will still catch her front row at a Knicks game or dressed for an NBA gala. Alicia can be in the studio laying tracks in LA while Swizz is promoting sneakers in NY but they can also get together and produce a hit song and take their baby on vacation. Mrs. Obama will travel to another continent to empower young girls while her husband holds down the USA and when she comes back she’ll throw on a ball gown for a fancy dinner or get her dance on with Barack at the front row of an Olympics trial game. And Beyonce will travel the world screaming “Who Runs the World”, while her man is signing artist and making deals, take a year off to birth a baby, jump right back up for a 4 night only concert and then take a family vacation and maybe sing a hook or two on his next album. All of the men in those relationships have complex lives and deal with complex things, and the women in their lives still hold them down   in times of trouble. 

And then there’s me. Because the female factor is so important to me in terms of an attractive couple, I try to exude all of those characteristics in my own relationship. I'm still learning how to balance both my life and his, but I'm doing a pretty good job. I’m in NY blogging my heart out while he’s in Cali teaching high schoolers and exploring the medical field and at the end of the day we can sit and Skype. He’ll explain various stitch techniques and I’ll pick his brain about a blog topic and when he graduates, I’ll be screaming the strongest and loudest when his name is called while wearing his favorite color.

Constant Love & Support + Confidence & Security = 

One Attractive Ass Couple

Death by Comparison

When I sat down and planned my topics for the week I had a pretty solid idea of what I was going to talk about and how I would structure the conversation. My topic for the day was supposed to be reasons to quit FaceBook. But when I skimmed down my list of why I wanted to quit FaceBook once and for all, I noticed a real, and somewhat disturbing, string that held all the reasons together:

I have a problem comparing myself to others.

I not only compare myself to others, but I systematically make myself feel lesser than others because I have not accomplished the things I feel I should have accomplished. Therefore, I hide in my corner in my room on my bed with my bears and my laptop and make myself feel like crap. I hide from conversations with friends and events they invite me to, just so that I don't have to hear about all the great stuff their doing, that I've already read about on FaceBook, while I sit on my bed in front of my computer.

This is a problem. And it's a problem that I've had since I was little. The comparison issue. In elementary school I compared myself to my best friend because I thought she had everything. I thought she was spoiled and smarter than me and therefore, better than me. Ironically, she thought the same things about me. That experience helped me temporarily get over my comparison issue. I went through most of middle school and high school not thinking about who was better than me. It was no longer important to me to be the smartest in the class, or have everything that some of the other girls had. I just wanted to do well and get into the college of my choice. That was my priority and it wasn't dependent on someone else. 

Until the acceptance letters went out for the Ivy League Schools and I didn't get accepted to Harvard and there were girls who did get into the Ivy of their choice. Until Amherst. I felt accomplished again. 

Then I went away. And I was ok with not being the best. I knew there were people there who did things I didn't, who probably accomplished things on the scale of phenomenal. I was ok with being average. Hell, my advisor basically told me I was average (I later learned he catered to athletes and males so he wasn't a good person to judge my worth at the college). I didn't need to be a standout person. I didn't need for everyone to know me. I didn't care about those things.

Until I saw Black girls accomplishing those things that I didn't think we could at that college. They were popular and guys loved them and they were smart. I admired it and hated it all at the same time. And questioned what the hell was wrong with me that I couldn't do that. This is where comparison can break you. Until someone shakes the shit outta you and says "Hey. Look at your writing. It's phenomenal. Your thought process is like no other. Your compassion for people no matter how much they have hurt you is unmatched." And I started feeling good about myself again. 

All the way up until senior year. Senior year brought a lot of  "WHY ME?" and "WHY NOT ME?" questions. I refer to that year as "The Year of the No" for me. It felt like all the doors I wanted to be open just kept shutting in my face. I didn't understand it. I worked hard. I felt I worked harder than quite a few people at the school. I played by the rules. I knew what I wanted. I had a plan. But everyone else around me was prospering and I was... stagnant. When graduation came I felt good again. I felt accomplished again. Listening to the President's speech made me feel better about going out into the world unemployed. I thought I would set up a plan for the summer, I would jump into, I would look for jobs, someone would hire me.

My plan is written down but it's been a slow start getting it to go. And I've been blaming that on everyone else except myself. I've been discouraging myself. I've been my own enemy. Not my FaceBook friends. Not my real life friends. I look at something they've done this week or the fun they've been having and I cower in the face of it. I pull my covers up to my chin and sulk watching the saddest movies I can find just so my crying is justified. It's gotten to a point where all I can see is the negative and I see the no coming before I've even asked.

I will no longer suffer this spiritual death by comparison. I'm gonna say death to comparison. When my friends ask "So what are you up to?!" with their excitement over their own lives, I will share in their excitement and show my own.

I have a blog that's doing better than ANY blog I've had previously. I'm preparing for the GRE because I know I want a Masters in American Literature and a Doctorate in African American Literature. I have a workout schedule, something I didn't have in college, and I feel good about it. I have a place to live, food to eat and a family who loves and supports me and tells me to take my time finding a job because it's hard to do and things do not fall in your lap. I have a list of over 100 books to read. I have a boyfriend who supports me and tells me everyday that he loves me and misses me and can't wait til we're together permanently. I have my health. I have insurance. I'm not wanting for anything (except a trip to LA). Yes, my bank account is empty but whatever. I'd rather find the right job than to do something that I don't really wanna do. I have a lot to feel accomplished about. Someone, somewhere may be doing the same comparison thing with me and my life. 

So, rather than count my losses and the "no's" and the don't haves, I'm going to start counting the wins, the 'yes's' and the haves. Be satisfied with what I have, but never complacent, because I can always strive to do better. 

Comparison never did anything for me but push me into a corner. So it's time for it to go.

New York City: The (Boring) Fashion Capital of the World

Okay, maybe that title was a bit harsh. But really, I rarely see something particularly fashionable and unique while walking the streets of New York. Maybe fashionable is the wrong word here. I think I mean stylish. People wear such monochromatic clothing. Most of it is black. And as a New Yorker it makes me sort of sick.

During my sophomore year in college, I wanted to wear all black for the winter for two reasons: 1. I was digging Rihanna's recent style choice of wearing black all the time. 2. I wanted to feel closer to New York. Everyone told me that was a horrible idea because it was boring and people would think I was depressed. Whatever.

I'm glad I listened though. Somewhere between junior year and the end of senior year, I fell in love with color and print. I just wanted to constantly look like I was in a parade or at carnival. Black, white and grey just didn't make sense to me anymore, past being neutral colors to throw on with something bright and vibrant.

Since I've been home (and really since my trip to Miami), I've had a difficult time negotiating my need for constant color with the expected muted tones of the New Yorkers walking through the concrete jungle. If I'm going out I reach for my bright floral printed jumper, but then I put it back because it's too bright. So I find dark shorts and a dark top and maybe a white sweater. BORING!! 

I've come to two conclusions: 1. I should either move out of New York to LA or Miami (which I'm strongly considering for the future). and 2. I need to just be myself and wear my bright colors. What's the point of buying bright skirts and tops and bright shoes if I'm never going to wear them? I vow that I will wear my bright colors and take pictures in them. It only makes sense to do. So expect to see more of me on the blog to prove that not all New Yorkers are boring and muted and dull and just lame when it comes to style.

What do you all think of the way New Yorkers dress? Are you a New Yorker who dares to wear color? Are there more like me out there in the universe??

Red, White and Who?

The Fourth of July has come and gone. The fireworks are over and the hood kids finally stopped with the M-80s late at night. It was a scorcher in New York that day and no one I knew really wanted to go out. Plus my mother had to work the next day so it wouldn't really make sense to go out. In the past, whether I stayed in or went to see Macy's Fireworks Show, I would wear some type of red, white and blue outfit. I was all patriotic and it was fun and cute. During my pre-teen and early teen years I had a ton of red, white and blue in my closet which included a denim mini skirt with the American flag printed on it. I loved that skirt, even if it was a bit too big. Old Navy always had some type of Fourth of July special sale with tons of patriotic gear. Finding something to wear was always simple. But today...

Shopping in more mature stores (and by more mature I literally mean stores with sheer shirts and hot pants) I see an array of patriotic clothing with more stylish detail. Urban Outfitters carry denim shorts with a faded American flag. Jeffrey Campbell makes stars and stripes Litas. Stores were selling sheer white tops, high-low hem blue or red skirts. The point is that there were tons of ways to put together a patriotic, sexy, grown-up outfit. But when the bloggers I read recapped their outfits and escapades, I was shocked that a lot of them wanted to show subtle patriotism. 

This had me wondering: Is the whole red, white and blue on Fourth of July played out? Hell, is dressing for the holiday just tired altogether? Has green and red on Christmas run its course? Has the orange shirt on Halloween become obsolete and silly? Is red on Valentine's day corny?

Personally, I say yes. As I get older, I feel less inclined to wear the holiday theme color. And the more I think about it, I don't even have some of these colors in my wardrobe. Honestly, if I had to put together a patriotic outfit from the items in my wardrobe, I would fail. I don't have anything red and very little to no blue. Now yes, I do know quite a few people who stay true to holiday festive colors. But for me, I'd rather look like an adult that styled herself, not a walking billboard for the holiday.

What do you all think? Am I too harsh on the festive dressing? Is it still alive among adults? Or was it just that dumb thing your parents made you do as a kid?

Cute Face, Thin Waist

I was reading one of my favorite blogs, College Fashion, and saw this post about Bettie Page in their "A History of Style" posts section. (To read it check it out here). As I was reading I thought to myself "Oh great! These are more outfit ideas for that pin up girl look that's so popular. I've been meaning to try it out, especially with the swimsuits." But then I thought to myself "Why is this look so popular now?" 

Well for one, there's the fashion and beauty aspects of it. The 1950s and 1960s seem to have taken over this fashion season. If you take a look at Top Shop there are a ton of those little bralette tops that look like you should wear them inside, mainly in the bedroom, but they're perfectly fine to wear outside. Rihanna has been seen wearing a few. Angela Simmons wore one with a high waisted skirt to her hairline launch. The look is popular. And there is high waisted EVERYTHING: pencil skirts, shorts, mini skirts, long skirts, jeans, colored jeans, denim shorts and pants. Red lipstick is on the rise and the cute bang with wavy hair or ponytail is très chic.

So yea, I get the phenomenon in that regard. Cute clothes, pretty makeup, unique hairstyles. I'm all for it. My concern is for the young girls emulating EVERY aspect of the pin up girl. That includes the ultra tiny waist, large breasts and large derrière. Is this phenomenon creating more harm than good? We, as a  society already put tons of pressure on young girls to look a certain way according to model standards and their favorite celebrities they see in magazines. Has society added another icon to emulate? Not to mention this is a body type that is nearly impossible to attain. You're born with the genes that will form the hourglass figure. Of course there are enhancement surgeries, but for girls as young as 12 up to new women at the age of 18, this is seemingly impossible. 

I want to say this is great in some aspects because Bettie Page was a woman with curves who loved them and flaunted them. But if we as a society are putting emphasis on the pin up girl look then does that mean we'll have girls trying their hardest to make their waists pencil thin while attaining fullness everywhere else?

My hope is that this is something that is just popular in fashion and beauty (makeup and hair), not another harmful image girls are trying to make their reality. 

Bettie Page (Source)

Modern pinup girl Angelique Noire

Is this just me thinking too much into healthy body image issues, or do you all feel the same? And what about girls taking pictures to look like these vintage and modern day pinup girls? Should we as a society be doing more to promote healthy body image and self-respect? Or is it a lost cause?